Of course there are still moments of me turning into a green angry monster to the kids and husband but I know the frequency are alot lesser as compared to a year ago.
A year ago was the most difficult and challenging moment of my life. It was a moment when I felt the world has collapsed on me and things that used to rely on are gone. It was an extremely emotional and depressing period but I'm glad I came out of it for the sake of my kids and became stronger. Couldn't have made it without the support and patient husband who has been there to endure my endless outburst.
To RW: thanks for struggling with me throughout these one year. We finally made it on our own. This is truly the beginning of us learning to manage a marriage life now. Love you lots and don't ever forget the 5 language of Love.
Today is the last weekday that I get to spend with JX alone. I have been the closest person has since his birth and soon he's gonna learn to trust another stranger. A skill he has to acquire at a much younger age than his Gor Gor.
They say "The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire". Now I finally had a taste of what that means. Learning to cope with the two boys on my own has really push myself beyond a limit that I never know I can.
Screw those who dare to tell me what I'm doing is nothing since JH is in childcare the whole day and I only have to manage both of them in the evening time.
Screw those who tells me they don't understand why I don't have time to rest just because I have a part time cleaner.
Part of me feels at a lost knowing JX is going infant care soon. Yet Some parts of me are screaming for attention for my other self which left hidden was long forgotten. There were days of frustration as i tell myself i cant wait for him to go infant care. I have delayed his infant care for half a year as I couldn't bear to enroll him when he was still so young. Now the time has come and I know I have to do it. Come Monday, JX and I would have to learn to create another bond and let go of this special relationship that we shared for this one year. I know I will definitely shed a tear or two when I finally have to leave him alone there. JX will properly be crying loudly for me too as he watched me leave. But it will get better as days and weeks goes by.
Not looking forward to them getting sick more often but can't be help. It's one of the price to pay for when they are in childcare.
For now. I shall try to enjoy this last weekday I have with my baby before it will be shared with others.
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